Texas Country Music Fan

Please Visit Me Here:

2007-01-17T21:01:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all...well according to my ticker I've been here over 5 months. Can't believe it! Since there is 0 - zero chance of me seeing any type of concert any time soon I have not been updating this blog. You can see what we have been up to in Singapore though...come take a peek!

Texans Gone East

Blogging From Singapore

2006-08-21T03:58:00.000-07:00

Howdy Y'all!

Well, I finally found a moment to update my blog. It's been a hectic two weeks. We made it to Singapore at about midnight Tuesday morning two weeks ago. Our flight was all messed up. We were late leaving Houston so we missed our connecting flight from Tokyo to Singapore. They put us on a different airline all together and instead of arriving at 10:20PM we arrived at midnight. The driver that was supposed to pick us up was no where to be found. We were assured he's be there no matter what. He had the key to our apartment and my hubbies cell phone. We left the airport at around 1:45. We had to get a cab (van) to take us to the place where we knew we were staying. Fortunately a co-worker of my husband was there with his family so we buzzed them from the gate. We ended up staying with them for the night. It was about 4AM when we went to sleep. Daughter no. 2 had to be at her new school the next day at 10:00 AM for new student orientation. She also had to take a placement test for math. We spent the rest of the week hunting for a permanent apartment and getting daughter no. 2 for school. I had to start work that Friday. Daughter no. 1 stayed back in Texas in college. We miss her greatly. This past week while I had to work hubbie got us into our apartment. It's a challenge in Singapore. Nothing happens near as quickly here as it does back home. You definately learn patience. I am posting this blog from one of our rigs. I had to leave Singapore already for one of our rigs off of Australia. Hubbie leaves to go back to the states. Luckily my parents are also in Sinapore so daughter no. 2 is being looked after. I can't wait to just get back and get into a routine.

My posts for now will probably be filled with all the strange new things I encounter. There doesn't seem any chance that I will be seeing any concerts anytime soon. You can bet that I will be planning my trips back to the states around who's playing where.

Trip To San Antonio

2006-07-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

Went to San Antonio this weekend for one last "HooHa" (a.k.a. Party) with my closest friends and family. We (me, hubbie, daughter no.1, daughter no.2 and best friend Cristie) left Friday afternoon. Once we got checked in we took the trolley to the Mercado (Flea Market). We went to eat at Mi Tierra. We waited for 1-1/2 hours! The hostess told me 30-40 minutes when she gave me our number to watch for. We met a friend and her daughter that used to live next door but moved to San Antonio last year. We had a great dinner. Afterwards we all piled in her Jetta like a bunch of circus clowns. She gave us ride back to our hotel which was just several blocks away.

Saturday we got up early and took the kidos to Schlitterbahn. Some more of our friends (that used to be neighbors but moved) met us there with their kids. The friend and daughter from the night before met us there as well. We rode a bunch of rides, floated the lazy river and headed out of there at about 5:00 so we could get back and get ready for a night on the river walk.

We met my BF's brother in the bar at our hotel for a few drinks before we went out. He gave us $100 in gift certificates to Pat O'briens so that is where we headed for dinner. The only place to sit was in the piano bar. It was REALLY loud in there. The food was good, but it would have been better in a place where we could visit with each other. Friend from the other night and a co-worker of her's met us there and then we went to Durty Nelly's.

I really like Durty Nelly's. If you have never been, you need to go if you get the chance. The only downside is that it is small and crowded. They have a piano player too that doesn't play constantly, rather in short sets. The one that was there Saturday night was good. The best song of the night was about a "Friendly Pussy"...I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. They are great about getting all the people in the bar singing along. We stayed there until about 11:30 PM sitting outside on the patio, throwing peanuts at each other, then we went over to Howl At The Moon. We lost a few of our partiers...they turned in for the night. Howl at the Moon was fun, but not as much fun as Durty Nellies. Probably because we lost have our crew and it's just much larger. They had dueling pianos there.

Here in Houston I've never been to a piano bar or anything like what they have there. It was a great time!

Trust Your Doctor?

2006-07-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

Is it Safe to go to the Doctor?I was reading a post on Laurie's site (one of my favorite sites) yesterday and it made me want to post my recent experience at the doctor's office. I had had a yearly checkup and my blood work came back with the numbers for my thyroid being out of the normal range. So I had to go to an endocrinologist (sp?). He ordered more bloodwork and a radioactive iodine scan of my thyroid. I hoped the second blood test would come back normal so I wouldn't have to do the radioactive scan. I just didn't like the way that sounded. I called the doctor's nurse after the second blood work was done and I still had to go do the scan. So I scheduled the scan not knowing what to expect. After having to wait over an hour at the hospital imaging clinic it was finally time to go get the scan done. I was glad to find out it wasn't an injection, but rather a pill I had to swallow. The doctor/technician opened this metal canister and inside it was a small plastic container that held the radioactive pill. She instructed me not to touch the pill but to just touch the plastic container. I was to put the pill in my mouth then swallow it with a drink of water. Well I have never like swallowing pills. Since I don't like them to touch my tongue I always put water in my mouth first then I take the pill so it floats in the water, then I swallow. Weird, I know. So, following her instructions the pill would be touching my tongue. So how safe is that??? Here is pill I can't touch with my hand, but it's ok for it to sit on my tongue??? And why was she backing up away from me after she took the plastic container with the pill out of the metal canister? And why was she telling me to "hurry up and swallow it!"? Other than being a little freaked out by the radioactive pill floating around inside me it was no big deal. Then all I had to do was come back two separate times for them to scan me.
I just had my results read to me by the doctor. He said it looks like Grave's Disease. I have no idea what that is so I'm about to go search the internet. I lost confidence in my doctor though when he told me what my options were (pills or more radioactive iodine) and then he asked me what option I wanted to choose. He didn't explain to me what the disease was or anything. He told me the side effects of the pills and he told me the radioactive treatment would shrink my thyroid so then I would have to take thyroid medicine for the rest of my life. I told him I felt fine and that he himself had told me that I didn't really have any symptoms when I first went to see him. So then he suggested we just wait and keep an eye on it and that he wanted to see me again in 4 months. Problem. I'm moving to Singapore. So then he went ahead and wrote me a prescription for the pills in case I started feeling any symptoms. And what might those be???

Counting Down

2006-07-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Here's the countdown.

Moving to Singapore

2006-07-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

Howdy! Well before too long my posts might start having an Asian flair to them. It seems that hubbie, daughter no. 2 and myself are moving to Singapore. Should be a great opportunity to put some $$$ in the bank. One of the downsides is all the friends and family that we will be leaving behind. However, we found a great tool for keeping in touch. It's called Skype and it allows you to talk over the internet for FREE with others that also have Skype. You can check it out for yourselves at:
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0"
width="468" height="60" id="skype-banner-30">

menu="false" quality="high" bgcolor="#ffffff" width="468" height="60"
id="skype-banner-embed" allowScriptAccess="sameDomain"
type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer">
<div><a href="http://share.skype.com/in/30/270548" target="_blank">http://share.skype.com/show/flash/?id=30" border="0" alt="Share Skype" id="skype-banner-img" width="468" height="60" /></a></div>

What Kind Of Panties Are You?

2006-07-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

I am basic black panties!

You Are Basic Panties

You are a laid back chick with a real natural beauty.You can make unwashed hair and minimal make-up super sexy.Men tend to notice you show the "real you" - and they appreciate it.And while basic makes boring for some, it looks classic on you.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Back From Vacation!

2006-06-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

Back from Mexico!

Hola! We returned on Friday all tanned and rested from a week in Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico. By the end of the week our Spanish was getting muy bueno! We got there Friday, June 16th. Our plane was about an hour late in leaving, but it was good flight. When we were just about ready to land they flight attendants started handing out all the immigration and customs forms. They could have given them to us when we took off, but NO, let's wait until we are circling the airport! I had six of them to fill out, 10 forms in all. I had writer's cramps when I was done. If you had a question, might as well just guess because it was too late to ask a flight attendant, they were strapped in for the landing. We exit the plane pretty quickly since they let us use the rear exit too. It was HOT! We had to take a short bus ride from the plane to the airport. We went through customs without any trouble. They didn't even look at all the forms I stressed about getting filled out correctly and quickly. Luckily there were guys there to help get your luggage out to where the cabs were. We made it past the mobs of Timeshare sales people and out of the airport. We caught a suburban (cab) for $45 to our resort, the Grand Mayan.

The resort was beautiful! When we walked in the foyer was dark with huge 40 ft. tall Mayan statues lining the walls on each side with a reflection pool and another statue at the far end. From there you walk into where registration was. We got all checked in. Each of the girls got to sign in so they could sign for meals and drinks by the pool and such. We got wrist bands too. We later found out that they just help the tour guides in town recognize where we were staying. We then got a briefing by the timeshare people they have on staff there and they talked us into going the next morning to look at their timeshare tour in exchange for a free breakfast buffet, 1000 pesos, and 15% off our total food and drink bill for the week. We were also given some brochures and coupons for the area. We went and enjoyed a few complementary margaritas outside. Daughter no. 2 and her friend were dying to go check out the room, we were torchering them by enjoying a margarita or two.

We when got up to our room we called for our bags then had a look around. Our room was over 1200 Sq.Ft. To the right and left were rooms with a king size bed, sitting area, tv, jacuzzi tub, shower, bathroom etc. Between the two bedrooms was another room with a living room, dining table, kitchen and tv. Out on the balcony was a wading pool with chairs and end tables. We had a lovely view of the golf course and Sierra Madre mountains. Ruben brought our bags up. He seemed to like daughter no. 1 and her friend. He was trying to teach them some spanish. Once our bags arrived and we unpacked we walked over to the Greenbreak restaurant on the golf course.

Dinner outside next to the golf course right before sunset was really nice. The dished they prepared looked like works of art! They were gorgeous! We had various types of dishes including seafood and beef dishes. They didn't have an extensive menu but we all liked what we ordered. We also tried Pacifico Clara beer. We really liked it and ended up ordering that most of the week. After dinner we went back to our room and crashed.

Tomorrow I'll tell you about our timeshare tour ordeal!!

Adios! Buenos Tardes.

What Kind of Pirate Am I?

2006-06-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

What Kind of Pirate am I?

With the new Pirates of the Carribean coming out on July 7th I thought this would be an appropriate topic for my blog. Go rate me now before I make you walk the plank! Arrr!!

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Fix Me A Margarita!

2006-06-15T06:12:00.000-07:00

Fix Me a Margarita!

Whoo Hoo! I'm outta here for a whole week of fun in the sun!!! I don't know if I will be able to update my site while I'm on vacation as I don't have a laptop. I don't know that I would even have time if I wanted to. I'll update y'all when I get back. I hope I will have some interesting stories for y'all. Granted this won't be like the trip to Cancun a few years ago that how now and forever named "The Jungle Panty Tour". There were 8 of us, all adults, and we had a GREAT time. I guess I need to tell you the story behind the name "Jungle Panty Tour". I will have to find the pictures that we took that week so I can post them along with the story. We are now planning "Jungle Panty Tour II" as it looks as if we are moving to Singapore this summer and will be there for 3 to 5 years. That is a topic for another day. Anyway...we need to have "Jungle Panty Tour II" so we can enjoy one last good time with our close friends before we move. Back to the trip at hand! It's only us this time: me, hubbie, daughter no.1, daughter no.2 and friends of daughters no.1 & no.2. We plan on having a great time. Doing lots of fun stuff during the day and partying at night.

If you stumble by while I'm gone, please visit the sites of some of those I enjoy reading just about daily:
Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans
Swamp Stories
Karlababble
Daily Dancer

Have a great weekend and next week!!
Pass the salt!!

What Kind of Office Moron Are You?

2006-06-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

What Kind of Office Moron Are You?

Take the quiz and find out!

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

Keeping the Pledge

2006-06-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

Keeping The Pledge!

I am doing my part to keep the pledge of the Cute Feet Sisterhood (See previous post). I went and got a pedicure on Saturday. Actually all of us did: Daughters No. 1 & No. 2 and Hubbie. Hubbie treated all of us. My toe nails are this gorgeous shade of red called "Pants on Fire". I love it.

All of this is in preparation for our upcoming vacation to Nuevo Vallarta which is right outside of Puerto Vallarta. There are six of us going, the four of us and each of the girls are bringing a friend. Our hotel room is over 1200 sq.ft. and has it's own pool and jacuzzi!! I can't wait. We are going to have so much fun. We have already booked a dune buggie tour where we drive dune buggies through the mountains and river beds. We get to go to an agave field and have a tequila tasting...yum! Some of the other things we are planning on doing are: snorkling, shopping, fishing, shopping, relaxing, clubbing, shopping, horseback riding, parasailing, golfing, shopping, and more relaxing. The hotel also has a lazy river that you can float around the hotel on inner tubes in and two wave pools. I'll have to update my blog with details once we get back.

I plan on working on my tan and just plan relaxing! However, if any of you have been recently let me know what else there is there that we should do or see.

Adios for now!

I'm Prisca Bramble of Willowbottom

2006-06-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

I'm Prisca Bramble of Willowbottom

Daughter No.2 has really gotten into IM'ing back and forth with her friends. One of them sent her some cute sites that I will share with y'all over the next several days. However, this is one that I found. I love these name generator sites. Click here to find your own Hobbit Name: http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit/

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

2006-05-11T06:45:00.000-07:00

PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me below....

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Fortune Cookie Anyone?

2006-05-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

I needed help to fiure out what kind of day I was going to have. So, I created my own fortune cookie. If need one, click here and make your own.

Your Fortune Is

He who sit on upturned tack, rise above all.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

2006-05-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

Here is a fun Intellgence Test for you to take. Just click on the link. Come back and let me know how you did. I got 9 of 11 right.

http://www.mikescomputerinfo.com/inteltest.htm

Looking for to seeing Mark Chesnutt

2006-04-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm getting ready to go see Mark Chesnutt this weekend at Billy Bob's. I'm even more excited that it looks like we have meet-n-greet passes. That means that I'll be able to get my fiddle autographed FINALLY! Should be a great show even though Billy Bob's is not my favorite place to see a concert. I think we got decent tickets though. I'll be sure to post some pictures if we get some good ones. You will at least get a review of the concert.

Long Time No Post

2006-03-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

Well, my new year's resolution to be better about updating my blog has already been shot to h*ll!

Since the end of February I've been busy with the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. I'm a volunteer on one of the hundreds of committees that support the show. The committee I am on is the Corral Club. I volunteer in one of the clubs that are open on the rodeo grounds during the rodeo. We have 3 teams and work every third night of the rodeo. It's a lot of fun! I was rather disappointed with the entertainer lineup this year. It seems like it's the same people performing every year. There wasn't anyone that I just "had" to go see. I wish they would get some of the newer artists out there like Dierks Bently, Joe Nichols or Gary Allan. I'd love to see my favorites too: Dwight, TByrd and Mark Chesnutt. But they didn't ask my opinion. I took daughter no. 2 to see Leann Rimes and Hilary Duff. We, hopefully next year will be better.

Me and some girl friends went to Ft. Worth mid-February to see TBryd at Billy Bob's. We had a great time. After the concert we went to the the Stockyard Saloon and enjoyed too many Lemon drop shots. Hadn't done that in a long time. I should know better than to mix liquors. I paid the price all the next day. The following Monday we got the news that Tbyrd was going to play in the KILT tent during the Rodeo BBQ that kicks of the Houston Rodeo. This was a standing room only event and Tracy Byrd was the reason everyone was there. He was the reason there was a line 50 people deep waiting to get in 1-1/2 hours before he was scheduled to come on stage. The reason we were standing in line early enough to make sure we were right in front of the stage. Some of us feel we don’t get our share or TByrd shows throughout the year and when there is one in our home town we make sure to be there. You couldn’t buy tickets to this show you had to win them through the radio station hosting the tent, FM100.3 KILT.

Tracy got the audience excited early on by walking through the tent between the stage and the crowd before the show started. The show started on time and he opened with “Johnny Cash”. The perfect rockin’ country tune to get the audience pumped and ready for the next song. Tracy was wearing a black western styled shirt with rhinestones, jeans and a black hat. A quick survey from those standing around us and we all thought he looked good in black. As the night continued the song list included: Revenge of a Middle Aged Woman, Just Let me be in Love, Watermelon Crawl, Lifestyles of the not so Rich and Famous, Don't take her, she's all I've got, Drinkin' Bone, The Truth about Men, 10 Rounds and I'm from the Country. There were others as well, but we were enjoying ourselves so much we didn’t get the complete set list.

At one point Tracy was given some Mardi Gras beads from a fan. Mardi Gras was going on in Galveston so it was a fitting touch. The stage was a little small so space was tight. However there was plenty of energy on the stage that night. Tracy introduced the band and told the audience about James and Dan leaving to go do their own thing and he wished them well. When we left, we left excited and ready for the next show. Unfortunately looking over the tour schedule, that might be awhile. Did I mention that there aren’t enough Tracy Byrd shows here in Southeast Texas?

I lost my camera that night. I've checked lost and found at the rodeo several times and it hasn't shown up. I'll post pictures once Sherrie gets them off of her camera.

HaPpY sT. pAtRiCk'S dAy!!! And Happy Anniversary to my hubbie--16 great years! Love ya!

Beer Troubleshooting Guide

2006-01-26T14:54:00.000-08:00

Thank you Barbara for this handy guide, just in time for the weekend!

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet
CAUSE: Glass Being held at incorrect angle.
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

SYMTOM: Feet warm and wet
CAUSE:Improper Bladder Control
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training

SYMTOM:Beer unusually pale and tasteless
CAUSE: a. Glass empty. OR b. You're holding a Coors Lite
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
CAUSE: You have fallen over backward.
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes
CAUSE: You have fallen forward
CORRECTIVE ACTION: See above

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
CAUSE: a. Mouth not open OR b. Glass applied to wrong part of face
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

SYMPTOM: Floor Blurred
CAUSE: You are looking through bottom of empty glass
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM: Floor moving
CAUSE: You are being carried out
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark
CAUSE: Bar has closed
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
CAUSE: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles
CAUSE: You are dancing on the table
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Fall on someone cushy-looking

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear
CAUSE: It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Punch him

SYMPTOM: People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup
CAUSE: You're in the ladies' room
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
CAUSE: You have been in a fight
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
CAUSE: You've wandered into the wrong party
CORRECTIVE ACTION: See if they have free beer

SYMPTOM: Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk
CAUSE: a. You're in jail OR b. You're in the navy
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach

SYMPTOM: You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps
CAUSE: You're in a gay bar
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for back rubs

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted
CAUSE: The beer is too weak
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song
CAUSE: Beer is just right
CORRECTIVE ACTION: Play air guitar

My Fellow Americans...

2006-01-11T06:07:00.000-08:00

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT OR CANDIDATE- DEMOCRAT, LIBERTARIAN OR REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2 Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

(Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's get this to every USA computer!)

Texas Longhorns 41 - Southern California 38

2006-01-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

Well..this is about the only time you will ever see anything positive about the Texas Longhorns posted on my blog. Daughter no. 1 is an Aggie so we are all Aggie fans and if you know anything about Texas football you know that Aggies don't like Longhorns. However, congratulations to the Longhorns on their National Title win last night. It was a great game...went down to the wire! Hubbie was cheering for SC all during the game. Not me though. I am a Native Texan and I figure that it's better for a Texas team (even though it is t.u.) to win rather than California. And, since t.u. beat Texas A&M, wouldn't want to have lost to the National Champions than the team that lost the Championship game?

Concert plans might be shaping up to go see Tracy Byrd at Billy Bob's in February. I know I have posted before how much I think Billy Bob's in Ft.Worth sucks but a big group of friends that I haven't seen in a few years is going so it looks like it might turn out to be a fun weekend!

Shelli

Great Truths That Children Have Learned

2005-10-10T14:51:00.000-07:00

My hubbie sent me this email with these lists of all these cute "Great Truths". I'm going to milk them for all they are worth and spread them out all week. Mainly because I don't have anything else going on. One highlight in the local music news...KILT has announced that this year's 10 Man Jam will be on November 9th. They have started giving away tickets. Winning tickets will be my main objective for the next month! So far they have announced Craig Morgan and Kevin Fowler. I'll keep you posted on that but until then...

Great Truths That Children Have Learned:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

You Live on the Gulf Coast If...

2005-10-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

Thank you Barbara for emailing me this list! Some of these apply to us...

You live on the gulf coast if...

You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.
You have more than 300 'C' and 'D' batteries in your kitchen drawer.
Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti O's.
You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths, and one safe hallway.
Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at home depot.
You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
The road leading to your house has been declared a 'No-Wake' Zone.
You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
You own more than three large coolers.
You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take a gallon of gas to get there and back"
You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer
Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
You catch a 13-pound redfish ---- in your driveway.
You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.
At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel and every single newscaster and reporter at all of the major stations in town.
Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.
Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
You spend more time on your roof then in your living room.
You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder, or a tree worker.
You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
Your child's first words are "hunker down" and you didn't go to Ole Miss!
Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.
You get phone calls from family members saying they've found bread at a store 6 miles away... and you hurry to get there.
You wait in line for 45 minutes for a loaf of bread and don't mind because at least you have bread.
A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.

Chicken Recipe

2005-10-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

When I found this recipe I thought it was perfect for people, like me, who don't have a lot of time and are not always sure how to tell if poultry is cooked thoroughly but not dried out. Give this recipe a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN
6-7 lb. chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup uncooked popcorn
salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for popping sounds.
When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.
And, you thought I couldn't cook....

Halloween Costume Ideas

2005-09-28T05:57:00.000-07:00

Halloween is a month away. In browsing another blogger's site, Karlababble, I read where she asked her readers for costume ideas. I thought that was a great idea. This photo is my suggestion for her. I thought it was pretty funny. Now I don't know if I could get my hubbie to participate in something like this or not. Well, now that I think of it, he might! He has a very strange sense if humor. We haven't dressed up for Halloween in so long since we have had to stay home and pass out candy while the other took the girls trick-or-treating. So, if any of you have any ideas for us, please share!! I like things that are unique and creative, but not necessarily as extreme as the photo below. Some other ideas that I have heard in the past was where a guy dressed in a black sweatsuit with little yellow chickens (not real ones) glued to it. He was a "Chick Magnet". Another one was a girl with a hat made to look like a small table with drinks and an ash tray glued to the top. She was a "Cocktail Table". So...send me some ideas!

Food Spoilage Tests

2005-08-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

We went grocery shopping this weekend. That event is always preceeded by my husband cleaning the ice box out and throwing away any "questionable" items. He and I don't always see eye to eye on when things should be thrown away. I tend to keep things in the fridge a little longer than him. Now boxed items in the pantry that have been open for say a month, I will toss because to me they start tasting like the pantry. I don't keep milk past the expiration date either. That is due in large part to once when I was younger I grabbed a glass from the cabinet, poured some milk in it and add chocolate syrup, stirred it and took a big gulp. Then I became the girl in the Exorcist. Milk went everywhere...it had chunks in it. I think my brother put a glass back in the cabinet that had milk in the bottom and it sat there for a few days. I don't think the milk in the ice box was bad. Yuck!!!!

Anyway, here is a list for you incase you need assistance in determining if something in your ice box or fridge is past its prime:

EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
SALT: It never spoils.
CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad. GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.

Signs Your Computer is from Deep East Texas

2005-08-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

Signs Your Computer is from Deep East Texas

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is Bubba.

4. There's a gunrack mounted on the CPU.

3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 sign your computer is from Deep East Texas...

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

How to give a cat a pill

2005-08-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

Since we no longer have a dog, and my husband is still against the idea of us getting another one right now. I thought I would post the following instructions on how to give a cat a pill. We do have a cat. Actually the cat belongs to daughter #2. It stays outside (she's been spayed and has her claws still). She is friendly enough that she rubs along your ankles when she wants you to feed her but I don't try to pet her. She has been known to bite. It's like she tricks you into thinking she likes you until you go to pet her. We have never had to give her a pill, but if we ever do I imagine it going something like this:

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

l) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on at with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck - leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check
records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the @#&*&$ cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little @#*&*$'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm, and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1) Wrap it in bacon.

Do you think this argument will work on hubbie to convince him we need a dog?

Good Ol' Southern Engineering

2005-08-02T07:20:00.000-07:00

2 Sheets of builders foam . . . . .$12
8 bungee cords . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4
1 lawn chair . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7
4 used scrap boards . . . . . . . . free
1 pawn shop trolling motor . . . $25
battery from your car . . . . . . free

The experience . . . . . . . priceless!!

Now everyone can own a water craft!!

Simple Math

2005-07-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

I love quizes and puzzles that mess with your head. It's fun to try and figure out how they work...or not...I guess it can be as much fun to just do them and be amazed at the answers. Here is a quick one for you to do:

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
10. Do you recognize the answer?

Things are bigger in Texas

2005-07-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

This was found at Bar X, which is between Angleton and West Columbia, near a house. How would you like to meet this fella in the dark? Never let it be said that we don't grown them big in Texas.

Game wardens forced to shoot alligator, guess he wouldn't cooperate. Published April 16, 2005.

WEST COLUMBIA - Anita and Charlie Rogers could hear the bellowing in the night.

Her neighbors in Bar X Ranch had been telling them they had seen a giant alligator in the bayou that runs behind their house, but they dismissed the stories as exaggerations.

"I didn't believe it," Charles Rogers said. Friday they realized the stories were, if anything, understated. Texas Parks and Wildlife game wardens had to shoot the beast. Joe Goff, a game warden with the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, walks past a 13-foot, 1-inch alligator that he shot and killed in the back yard of the home at the Bar X Ranch on FM 521 near West Columbia.

I searched the web to see if this was true and couldn't locate anything to verify it. I did see on the Texas Department of Wildlife site a document on alligators that noted that since the reopening of leagal alligator hunts the largest alligator harvested in Texas was 14ft 4in in WEST COLUMBIA. So maybe this was his brother or sister.

So with that note, have a great weekend! Stay out of the bayous and ditches with all this rain we've been having!

I'll be camping so visit some of these blogs I enjoy on a daily basis while I'm gone, but come back!

Daily Dancer
The Casual Friday
Do You Know What it Means to Miss New Orleans
Swamp Stories

Today I am a cup of Black Coffee

2005-07-14T05:46:00.000-07:00

Well, we are really keeping an eye on Hurricane Emily. She better not spoil our camping plans for the first part of next week. I was really looking forward to getting away for a few days. As long as she stays on a course that is more West than North West it should be ok.

I'm having a hard time coming up with a topic for todays post. I wish I had just a single theme here, it would be much easier. I've read blogs that are a daily list of that person's highlights: The Casaul Friday . This site is actually pretty damn funny. The comments he gets are sometimes even better. I also check out the Daily Dancer. This guy can't help but put a smile on your face. But these guys have one constant theme throughout their blog, that's got to be easier than coming up with something totally unique everyday.

Let's see...today I will come up with a list of 10 pet peeves. These are mine, what are yours? In no particular order...

People that either put on makeup, read, shave, etc. while driving. Especially if they are in the fast lane going slow and no one is in front of them. Actually that's kinda two pet peeves.
People that walk their dogs and let them poop in other people's yards and leave it there.
People at work that take the last bit of coffee and don't make another pot. I maybe drink 1/2 a cup of coffee a day, but I bet I make 2 pots.
People that knock something off a rack or shelf in a store and are too lazy to pick it up.
People that send something to the printer and when the printer runs out of paper they just let their print job sit in the printer with the empty paper tray light blinking waiting on someone else to go get paper and put it in the printer. That person is someone whose document is in the que after the lazy a**.
People who pull out in front of you (there's no one behind you) and then go real slow. Good thing I don't drive a Hummer. I'd drive right over them.
People that tell you they are going to do something and they don't.
Radio stations that play the same songs over and over all day.
Mean people.
People that blare their radio in traffic to where you can't even hear your own radio with your windows rolled up.

Wow! That was hard. I really don't let a lot of things bother me. Most of what bugs me are other drivers.

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable

At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty

You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it

Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Better Late Than Never

2005-07-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from the Mark Chesnutt concert we went to last month in San Antonio. Sorry about the quality of the pictures. We just used one of those disposable cameras. We didn't bother bringing a camera because I didn't want to have to keep up with it all night. Then when we got there and saw that we were going to be able to stand right next to the stage we figured why let this great photo opportunity go to waste. So we bought a camera from the gift shop in the club. It was 800 speed film, I thought it would do a decent job, guess I was wrong. Cowboys - Far West is a great place to go see a show if you ever get the chance.
The other picutres are of Cary Stone. He used to be with The Only Way to Fly which was Tracy Byrd's band.

I had to delete the pictures and just add this link. Mark Chesnutt The pictures were messing up my blog for some reason.

FREE BBQ Pit

2005-07-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

I know it's too late for the 4th of July cook-out but you can be prepared for Labor Day! You read right! FREE! They are available everywhere: Wal-Mart, HEB, Krogers, Randall's, etc. Get yours now before they run out!

Thanks to my brother, Scott, for supplying me with today's post! I think my theme has been more on the uniquely Texas, BBQ, Cook-Out side. I need to start going to more concerts! Next one planned isn't until the first weekend in August. SO...if you have been lucky enough to be going to any, please share your review. Send me an email!

More Life In Texas

2005-07-07T06:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry about my lack of posting yesterday. I've had a headache since Monday. The following list is for the out-of-state visitors that might happen across my site today! For all Texans that do, you will recognize and agree with each of these.

There is no place like the Lone Star State...... You know you're in Houston when....

The Farm to Market roads have 7 lanes.....
Everyone you know has seen a roach the size of the Taco Bell Chihuahua....
When your neighbor is seen dancing around his front yard, he has not just won the lottery...he just stepped in a fire ant bed.....
The name Bud Adams makes you snarl...and Bum Phillips is not a bad screwdriver......
You go to work in short sleeves and a blue norther blows in at noon and drops the temperature to 34 degrees. . .Two days later you still run your air conditioner....
You know "Dad Gummit" does not mean your father practiced bad dental hygiene.....
You know "Y'all" is a proper address to one friend..."All Y'all" is proper when addressing more than one friend....
Spring is not a season, Katy is not a lady, and 1960 is not the year...(town, town, road)
You've lived in Houston for 30 years and have never seen IH-10 or I-45 in any other condition than under construction....
You leave your house to head out of town....an hour later you are still in city limits....During rush hour, you are still in your neighborhood.....
Real Mexican food is Tex-Mex....
A 747 with the space shuttle on top has flown low over your house....
You are still upset that Marvin Zindler shut down The Chicken Ranch..
If humidity is below 90% it is a good hair day for your wife....
You know Mattress Mac can save you money, and has more of it than the U.S. Treasury....
Big floods make it harder to find the big catfish.....
Your neighbors truck is just as tall as his house and worth the same...
You still get sentimental when someone yells Luv Ya Blue, even though the Oilers went to Nashville years ago....
You go to a society function and matronly woman still have big hair....
You know that real chili is made with chopped (not ground) beef, and there are no beans or tomato sauce in it.....
No one speaks English any more in Bellaire.......
Gas is $2.15 a gallon and everyone still wants to buy F-350 one ton, crew cab 4 wheel drive trucks.....
Everyone knows Mama Ninfa......
B-B-Q is made with beef....not pork.....
Men come to town for supplies and they have spurs on.....
Your daughter turns 16 and wants a truck for a school car....You buy her a lift kit and Ranch Hand bumper for Christmas.....
You know a pit is what you cook on....
A good fishing boat can do 80mph in 10 inches of water.....
A game warden catches you with an expired fishing license and allows you to take defensive fishing classes.....

Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

2005-06-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Cristie for sending me the email that contained my post for today. I'm really busy here at work getting ready for the long weekend. So if you have already seen this floating around in your email box...sorry...but please come back. I promise I will be more entertaining the future!

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Do You Have AAADD?

2005-06-28T05:25:00.000-07:00

My hubbie thinks this explains why I can't seem to get anything done. When I clean house, it never looks like I finish. I get started in one room, but as soon as I have to take something from that room to another room, you can forget it 'cause then I get started in that room. If my cleaning takes me to my daughter's room, then I get started totally taking everything out of her closet and rearranging it. Hey, that's why I now have a cleaning lady! More time for me!

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
This is how it goes...

I decide to wash the car and start toward the garage when I notice the mail on the table.
I figure I might as well go through the mail before washing the car.
I lay my keys down on the desk, sort the mail and discard the junk mail.
As I discard the junk mail, I see that the garbage can is full.
I lay the bills down on the desk and pick up the trash can.
Then I figure that since I'll be going near the mailbox while taking out the trash, I may as well pay these few bills first.
Now where did I put my checkbook? Ah, here it is! Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in the other room.
Oh! There's the soda I was drinking earlier! Hmmm, I guess I'd better take it out to the kitchen and discard it.
On the way to the kitchen, my flower arrangement catches my eye and I realize it needs more water.
I pour the soda down the sink. As I wipe a spot off the counter I see my glasses on the windowsill. It's about time. I've been looking for them all morning!
I guess I'd better go put them away so I can find them again later. But first I've got to add water to the flower arrangement...
Hey! What's the TV remote doing in the kitchen? Aaaaaagh! I'd better take it to the living room because we'll never think to look for it in the kitchen tonight. I take the remote out to the coffee table and find that the living room is a bit untidy, so I go around arranging cushions and throw pillows.
Then I'm off down the hall, to... to... what the heck was I planning to do?
End of Day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the flowers aren't watered, the checkbook still only has one check, and now I can't seem to find my car keys! I don't seem to have gotten anything done today, but I just can't figure out why because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!! I realize this is a serious condition and that I'd better seek help. But first, I think I'll check my e-mail...

Does this sound like anyone but me?

Texas Chili

2005-06-27T06:27:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my friend Scott who supplied me with today's post.

Chili Cook off
For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh^it, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an
aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I sh*t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a** with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

The Definition of a BBQ

2005-06-23T06:41:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have seen this before. A friend emailed it to me a while back. Then as these things happen, I just got it again via email from my hubbie. He LOVES to BBQ. If you aren't from Texas, our version of BBQ is a huge, honking, slab of beef brisket, rubbed down with special "secret" spices and cooked in a enourmous steel smoker with the fire over to the side, not under the meat. This is where the term "smoker" comes in. Otherwise it would be grilled. Anyway, you cook it for at least 12 hours at about 250 degrees. SO...below is actually grillin', NOT BBQ'n. Either way...it is SO TRUE!

DEFINITION OF A BBQ
It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

The woman buys the food.
The woman makes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill -- beer in hand.
The man places the meat on the grill.
The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
Everyone praises the man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

I could elaborate and add "She then smacks the crap out of the man".

CoLoR TeSt

2005-06-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

I love reading other people's blogs. I find some really neat stuff. I found this color test over at http://www.jadbury.com/blog/ .

I hope that by sharing where I find these interesting things the person will be okay with me sharing it too. Try out this color test and share your results if want.

Color Test

I'll be honest. The firt time I tried it I got 25% right. Well I wasn't satisfied with that so I tried again..0% and again...0%. Well that p-----d me off! So I emailed the guy and he gave me some hints which I will gladly share with you if you need me to. He figured it out on his own. I'm not patient enough. I had to know how to do it right away. First try after he gave me the tips I got 88%. I'll have to try it again. I won't be happy until I get all 100% right.

HAVE FUN!

Do you need a Super Hero Name?

2005-06-10T06:13:00.000-07:00

Here is your dose of humor...
Follow the instructions to find your new name.

The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey.
The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names......

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = poopsie; b = lumpy; c = buttercup; d = gadget; e = crusty; f = greasy; g = fluffy; h = cheeseball; i = chim-chim; j = stinky; k = flunky; l = bootie; m = pinky; n = zippy; o = goober; p = doofus; q = slimy; r = loopy; s = snotty; t = tootie; u = dorkey; v = squeezit; w = oprah; x = skipper; y = dinky; z = zsa-zsa.

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = apple; b = toilet; c = giggle; d = burger; e = girdle; f = barf; g = lizard; h = waffle; i = cootie; j = monkey; k = potty; l = liver; m = banana; n = rhino; o = bubble; p = hamster; q = toad; r = gizzard; s = pizza; t = gerbil; u = chicken; v = pickle; w = chuckle; x = tofu; y = gorilla; z = stinker;

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = head; b = mouth; c = face; d = nose; e = tush; f = breath; g = pants; h = shorts; i = lips; j = honker; k = butt; l = brain; m = tushie; n = biscuits; o = hiney; p = chunks; q = toes; r = buns; s = fanny; t = sniffer; u = sprinkles; v = kisser; w = squirt; x = humperdinck; y = brains; z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is:
Goober Chickenshorts.

Feel free to share your new name.

Shelli (um...crusty bubblebuns)

Cute Dancing Skeleton

2005-06-09T14:58:00.000-07:00

Someone emailed me the linkt to a WMV file of a street vendor with a dancing skeleton puppet. It's kinda long but really cute. Watch the end where the skeleton brings attention to the donation hat. You can see it at: http://media.hugi.is/hahradi/fyndnar/skeleton.wmv.